“Come Home, You don’t have a father anymore…”

Someone said to me that these were the words that I heard when my father died

Sofia Duarte

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A photo of myself from that time.

First snow in my life. 3rd January 1997. I was six years old. First day of the second trimester of school. I don’t remember the school that day, I’ve never seen real snow, and I was delighted. It’s strange what a children’s mind can remember from a tragic day. Could all of them be from my mind or some of them edited by people that told me the story of that day?

My memories start when I arrived home, left my bag inside the house, and I went out to the snow to play. Even today, I can almost feel my frozen hands, nose, and feet from the snow. I was playing with bare hands, alone and happy. It was an unusual day indeed.

Since it was January, soon the light started to disappear — I didn’t know at that time that I would disappear too, my purest self. Darkness would surround me and love would conquer it all.

Since I was wet because of the snow, my mom’s stepmother called me, so I could dry myself by the fire. I don’t know many details from this part on. What I know is that I’ve heard my mom calling me from below the stairs — she was in the middle of the two bunch of stairs: one was on the side of my grandfather’s place and right across it was my home.

I don’t remember any words. What I remember is my mother crying her soul out and my 20-month-old sister giggling on her lap. That image became embedded in my mind until today.

“Come home, Elsa Sofia. You don’t have a father anymore…” That’s what my mom’s stepmother alleged to me that my mother had said.

The next thing I remember is something that it’s strange like I was away from my body, and I was watching my mother crying sitting near our kitchen doorstep, crying and hugging my sister while trying to breathe the fresh hair from outside. I was swinging on my mother’s stepmother’s lap. Just growling while crying, embracing my body with both arms.

I was a daddy girl. That day I’ve become the nothing girl. But that was my feeling at that moment. We were crushed, inside out. My mother became a father too, with a little baby to care for and a kid. I was just a kid, how am I supposed to help her? She was all…

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Sofia Duarte

⚀ Uma mulher afundada em letras creativas! ⚁ A woman deep within creative words!